A SCANDAL THAT MUST BE SOLVED

Loyal Countbinistas will know that I don’t just solve intergalactic trade disputes. I also sweat the local stuff too. On Earth, one of my key policy pledges is the DISGRACEFUL location of the hand dryer in the gents’ urinals at the Crown & Treaty pub in Uxbridge, West London. I pledge that if I am elected to public office I will move it to a more sensible position, so that this tiny part of the galaxy can have peace, justice, and less danger of splash-back.

I don’t just say this as an easy, typical politician’s promise. No siree. I went to the Crown & Treaty, Uxbridge…

And I signed a treaty, in the Crown & Treaty…

…with the Crown & Treaty, to the effect that when I am elected, they will move the dryer!

I believe in this policy so much, I even put it in my 2024 manifesto in North Yorkshire, and I got my highest parliamentary score yet! Justice for the dryer!